the mumlers

about a week and a half ago i finally got to see the mumlers play a show.  i like this band a ton and think you should too.

 get busy and shake your medication...

sierra nevadas

the thing is you won't.

story of my life.

moan

distressed about hades
worried about failing
desire so strong
oh the draft, oh current
have you ever felt you are so many pieces that you don't exist
so many layers
it never ends.  please end.
i don't want to die.  i do.  i don't.
vanity
is it my imagination running wild beside me like my youth
i was always good at that, i am good at that
please someone tell me i am not crazy or tell me that i am
end this.
careful carefree care where have you gone
care - it holds me down
i want to be good i want to be awful
i want to be.
empress of deceit
or am i eve
haze
haze
grey
reality is harsh but my dreams torment me as being harsher
ghosts of the innocence haunt
without slumber
i scare myself the most

A letter

I wrote a letter to my donor's family last week.  Man, what a tough letter to write!  Sometimes words don't do emotions and feelings justice.  Seth and Julie both liked it, so I think I will send it out.  We'll see what happens...

The Candy Lady

On Easter day while hanging out with my grandparents I was reminded of my great grandma.  She died a few years ago at the first-rate age of 102 years old.

I used to go visit her while I was a teenager.  My mom would drag me and my sister away from church on Sunday afternoons on occasion to go visit.  We sat in her living room to chat about what was new.  How was school going?  We would look though album upon photo album as we sat in a living room that had been frozen in time.  Her trip to China, photographs of my dad as a little boy...

As we sat there, my grandma's doorbell was sure to ring several times within the few hours while we visited.  My great grandma was the 'candy lady', you see.  Kids from far and wide would show up on her doorstep, because they knew they were sure to get a treat.  Everyone knew her house.
So when the doorbell rang, this 100 year old grandma of mine would get up, walk across the room, grab a glass bowl full of an assortment of candy and then walk back to open the door.  Sometimes it was small groups of children, sometimes a kid all by himself.  She would let them pick a piece and she would make sure they said "thank you".

One of the visits we took her out to lunch to get a salad at Applebees.  The waitress, an adult woman, instantly recognized her as the candy lady.  She went on to say that she had gotten candy from her when she was a little girl, and now her kids did too.  My great grandma had been the candy lady to several generations now.

And as the city of Hayward got more run down, seedy, gangs appearing - my great grandmother who had very poor eyesight in her older age did not notice.  She continued to open the door.  My family got a little concerned as the city deteriorated but the more they thought about it, the more they realized that nobody was going to hurt the candy lady.

What an awesome lady she was, and I hope to be more like her.  Maybe I can carry on the tradition and become the candy lady myself someday.  Maybe not, times have changed.  But her generous spirit I can emulate.  I think it is pretty cool that I got to be the candy lady's granddaughter.

Easter

Had such a nice Easter with Seth, the boys, my mom & dad, grandpa & grandma and friend Julie.  Low key and chill, but still fun.  Oh how I love Easter.

Aiden

Aiden.  Yep - that is what is new in our family's life.  He did move in with us, as scheduled, on January 13th.  It has been such a blessing, hard at times, but overall very good!  He is a very sweet little guy, he is adventurous and athletic.  He is quiet, yet comfortable.  He loves to climb and he can balance on a moving skateboard.  Aiden is friendly when meeting new people but also quiet and reserved.  He is silly, he is loving, he is stubborn and full of happiness.  He is doing so well considering all that he has been through.  The transition has gone very smoothly, as smooth as I could hope for.  The first night he was with us things kind of felt like a sleepover.  The kids were excited.  Aiden's old foster family was great to him, but he just jumped right in without too much sadness.

Levi has had a lot of adjusting to do as well.  Aiden plays with his toys sometimes, breaks stuff, and they share a room, etc.  At first there was much fighting and crying ... and there still is to some degree, but they are becoming very close.  Aiden adores Levi and likes to follow him around and copy him.  I love it when they giggle and play together as brothers, it melts my heart.

If you have known me well in the past, you may have known how it bothered me that Levi was growing up as an only child.  I like having a sister, so of course I wanted the same for him.  I think siblings are good for so many reasons ... to have a buddy and someone to play with; learning to share and learning to live with someone in a close relationship.  When I see the two of them interact, and my dream of having more than one kid is coming true, I am thankful.

Even with a two year old as mellow as Aiden life has changed much.  We don't quite go out to eat as much, more dishes, laundry etc.  But the level of craziness and excitement around this place has quadrupled.  It's not so quiet here between all four of us.  I mostly enjoy that though, and appreciate the lack of dull and boring.  I am also aware that having small children is just a short season in life overall ... so I am embracing the loudness and activity and crazy as much as I can.

Aiden is our foster son currently, but of course we are moving in the direction to adopt him.  His biological mom's rights are going to be terminated this week.  I really like her as a person, the several times I have met with her, and we plan to keep this an open adoption with Aiden growing up knowing who is biological mother is.  After the court date this week we begin the official adoption process.  We are looking at the finalization to take place around late July.  Then he will be legally recognized as ours, forever.

Not to get all sappy on you or anything, but people say how lucky Aiden is to have ended up in our family.  Really I feel like we are the lucky ones.  He is an awesome little guy.  He is a gift, and I feel privileged to raise him and have him call me mama.

CF Links

A shout out to some people who have given me a shout out:

http://peterspavementpounders.blogspot.com/2011/01/guest-speaking-about-cf.html

http://bennettgamel.blogspot.com/2011/02/yucky-lungs.html

http://d-livered.blogspot.com/2011/04/blessed-by-friends.html 

And I can't forget my one and only sister (who also has CF):

http://thelighttheheat-rebex.blogspot.com/

Have a good day you all

Levi's Change the World List

Levi dictated this list of rules he will make when he grows up. He says he will change all of these things if he can remember it.


LEVI'S CHANGE THE WORLD LIST

No spanking on birthdays
No throwing bombs at people
No setting people's houses on fire
No dropping glass on people's foots
No breaking people's legos when they're not done
No robbering
No stealing money
No swimming in water fountains
No acting silly at school
No trying to kill Jesus
No putting your underwear on your head at church
No punching people in the face and making them bleed
No eating people
No popping people's balls when they don't like it
No shooting good guys when you're a good guy
No farm animals in people's houses
No pinching on St. Patrick's day
No picking people's noses
No tearing people's shirts
No saying "I'm not your friend anymore"
No dumping gas out of cars
No being bad secret agents
No sticking swords in people's mouths
No throwing people's computers
No saying that you are God
No blowing up houses
No throwing ipods
No leaving candles on fire on purpose when you leave the house
No killing animals
No setting nice trees on fire