Joyful Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I have so much to be thankful for! Thank you Lord for the many, many blessings You have given- and for life itself!!

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Levi made this scarecrow to scare away the birds from eating our tomato plants. So cute!

Weighed Down

Today I'm tired, and weary... and sad.

I am struggling. Things are getting harder for me. Today I laid in bed till noon. Yesterday I didn't stand until one o'clock. Mornings are rough times for me, as are shower times. I'm not lazy. I promise. I have to remind myself of that daily. Logically I know I am not lazy, but my brain doesn't let me rest, and a part of it is telling me that I am.

I'm sad because so many sacrifices are daily having to be made to keep me well. Big sacrifices, by lots of people. It stinks. Big, fun plans have to be canceled because of germs, or even the fear of germs. I know that I am truly near the end of my life, and one flu or cold at this point would do me in. I am living in fear- and I HATE that. It is so not me! It is not how I would normally be, if I wasn't being forced into it.

But I have to. Because I'm a fighter too. I'm fighting for my life, tooth and nail, so everything else is on the back burner... even my personality.

I am watching from the sidelines right now... and waiting for my turn to play again. Literally.

Crying has practically become a daily occurrence. I cry for different reasons. I cry because I am in pain. I cry because I am sad. I cry because I'm scared. I cry for other people's struggles. This life is intense!!

My mind is in turmoil. It is really being affected by my physical health. It is freaking out on me because I can't escape the very weak body that I am stuck in. To crawl out of my skin sounds so nice. To be able to take a day off. I would love that. To be able to walk with no oxygen, to have freedom, independence, and energy back! .... Even for a day.

Please pray these verses for me, this is what I am praying for myself.....

Psalm 55:22 (NIV) Cast your cares on the lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.

1 Peter 5: 7 (NIV) cCast your cares on the lord because he cares for you.

Matthew 11: 28 to 29 (NIV) Come unto me all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

I really need rest.

Content

Clinic today. Lungs at 20% lung capacity. Yep, i think it's about time for that transplant... Haha!

Normally after hearing my ever-falling PFT results, I am royally bummed. I try not to ride the emotional roller coaster that comes from hearing that little FEV #, but I always do.

But today was the first time in years that I had PFT's and wasn't totally distraught about the numbers....

(even though they are worse than ever)

I'm just looking forward to new lungs!!!!!!

28 days......

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28 days. That's how long I've been waiting for a double lung transplant. Sometimes I can't wait to get the call, sometimes I dread it.

We should do a contest and guess when it is going to come. I'll go first. ummmm.....

I guess I'll get it the day after Thanksgiving.

Okay, it's your turn. Leave a comment and guess how long the wait will be. I'll try to think of a prize for the winner.

#2

Today I called the transplant clinic and asked the update of what order I am on the list. My UNOS allocation score is 38, and I found out there is only one person ahead of me in my blood type/category!!! Oh my goodness! It could be happening very, very soon! I was getting a bit antsy, knowing that time is not on my side right now. I am glad I called, and I can't believe there is only one person before me.